She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
