She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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