You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
