Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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