if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
