well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I could make wine with my vomit
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
