So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
