You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
