bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
now i know why i became what i already was.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
