omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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