woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
