If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
