It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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