I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
