the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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