my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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