Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
