The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
