one two three fourrrrnication!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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