somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
