i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
