Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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