you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
