I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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