Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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