I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
