I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
