Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
