I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
