I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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