I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
