Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
