lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
