It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
