Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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