Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No subtext here. People are naked.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
