At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
