For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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