Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
