Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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