he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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