We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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