i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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