I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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