New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
