So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
