well I can't set my house on fire every night
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
