By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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