dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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