We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
