the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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