this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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