he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
