sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
