dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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